Saturday, April 24, 2010


I know it's been two weeks since I've returned, and blogging now after such a long time is like procrastinating on writing a thank you note. It's lost a little of its emotional punch. It's on the brink of growing a little mold, and has definitely lost some of it's nutritional value. But nobody's perfect.

Returning from India was LITERALLY a breath of fresh air. The air I breathe here on Vashon Island amongst the swaying fir trees and deep greenery is reviving me like Prince Charming would a Disney princess. Not that I was dead or sick, just...away. Away in my tower, away in my glass coffin, away in my head and my sweaty, carb-loaded body. Away on a pilgrimage that was successful. Yes. That is how I feel about it. My trip to India was a complete and utter success. I succeeded in stripping myself of possessions, whereabouts, and predispositions. I stripped myself of my privilege bubble, even if it was only for a few hours here and there on a pervert-filled train, or for a few hours or moments, even, when it just didn't matter. I succeeded in not needing the things I thought I needed. I succeeded in finding something akin to the religion I had always wished I could believe in. Little did I know when I was young, kissing the tiny cross next to my best friend's bed at night, wondering would I ever believe?, that I would be praying my guts out in India and believing in every minute of it.

I succeeded in finding what I didn't know I was looking for: faith and love. I now know that I've always had those things, I just couldn't see them in the way I can now. I had to go halfway around the world to find out that I love my life, I love my family and friends, and I am dearly loved by them, and what more do I need? I had to go halfway around the world to find the goddess that has always been inside of me. I had to bring my lover halfway around the world for the ultimate test of our compatibility, only to realize that my testing was doubting and my doubting is my not loving. If that makes any sense. I had to almost completely ruin my relationship with an incredibly important and amazing person in my life to realize that: life is not a test. It is an opportunity. An opportunity not to be taken for granted, and neither are its gifts...or its challenges.

I have spent the past two weeks taking in as much Western pop culture as I can stand...everything from Lady Gaga to outrageous shoe shopping to Martha Stewart magazines. I have been helping my parents as much as possible. I have been paying attention to the animals. I have been seeing all of my friends and life has been a blessing. Everything has shifted but underneath it all, no one has changed. It brings me comfort to see that though a person can change circumstances and shift and think and feel different things over time, they can still be the friend I knew them to be, and we can pick up our conversation where we left off as though a day hadn't passed. Poni comes home to Seattle (and me) in a couple of weeks. While our plans together aren't solidified, we are solid in each others' hearts, and that is all that matters.

Thank you India. Thank you Sri BNS. Thank you Deities. Thank you Universe.

Stay tuned for my next adventure...!!!

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