Saturday, December 12, 2009

See Wren Learn to Chill the F**k Out

The longer I am here in Mysore, the more I revert back into my predictable habits...This morning I sat having painted my toenails, listening to metal (Dragonforce), sketching clothing designs and dreaming up song lyrics, having finished my yoga practice early this morning as usual. Things do not feel very different from home at this point, especially considering how at home I am feeling in my apartment. Of course a lot of things are different from my life in out West. I drink a lot more tea, eat a lot more chow chow bath, i get up and go to sleep three hours earlier than usual, I meditate everyday, I wear bindis and bangles and drawstring pants! (I can hear Carlee chortling from here...) I do not have my birds or my friends or my family nearby, my computer, or cell phone, or television set. A lot is happening inside me that is different. There was a point somewhere when some great channel in my body started to open up and now I can tap into it whenever I want. Like I cleaned out one of my inner closets and turned it into a temple that I find myself hanging out in more and more. I am more aware of my body as a sacred space. It amazes me and makes me happy.

It is eery...this sense of comfort. The fact that Mysore has become so easy, so livable, so wonderful, is tempting me to feel very wary, like there is something I should be worrying about. But I am starting to realize how little I actually have to even consider worrying about, and how much I have been trained to worry almost constantly for most of my life. I am starting to have worry consciousness. Next on my list is boredom consciousness. I challenge myself to not become bored easily. Doing nothing should be luxurious, not a headache.

Speaking of headaches, I found that I was dreading Hindi to the point of headache, and it was draining the energy I have for playing music, so I decided to give it a rest and perhaps pick the subject back up when I come here next. Hopefully then I will have a study buddy. Also, perhaps next time I will go for a more practical crash course, seeing as how I have learned to slowly read and write in Hindi, and pronounce everything, but I had to learn phrases like "How are you?" from my Dutch friend (maybe I will get HER to teach me Hindi!)

Part of what I am realizing about myself at the is point in my journey is that I need to practice not exhausting myself. I find the need to know and learn too many things at once can get to be as compulsive as a shopping or food addiction. Yoga is a mountain (or rather a vast, never-ending stairway to heaven) and Hindi is another kind of mountain. Perhaps it's best to climb one mountain at a time. At least for now.

On a completely different not, I went to a party yesterday and played a few songs as an opening act for an amazing Indian sitar/tabla duo. The tabla player played along with me and the sitar player called for my encore and after the concert, we all had a dance party. Every Indian I have met so far is a good dancer!

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